I wouldn't drag out revealing that the church is evil. Almost every player is going to cotton on to that almost as soon as they're introduced; so it won't be much of a surprise. Now, hiding the nature of the evil until later, that can work. For me, the way I revealed the cannibalism was I reworked the prison raid.Instead of having Sam just tell the party about it, I had it so during the attack on the prison, a stray rocket collapsed the tunnel the party enters through. As a result, they had to make an exit through the prison proper, during which they uncovered the butcher's shop where the prisoner's were being processed into meals for Grimme's feasts. It was a lot more visceral. As they say: Show, don't tell.
It kind of depends on your players but I pretty much immediately cottoned on to the Church being evil as soon as I read about them back in Deadlands Classic, in the sparse amount of info available. They're the only guys with a steady meat supply in California. It's a horror setting. It ain't rocket surgery.If you do want to stretch out that reveal, you'll probably have to put a lot of effort into convincing them they're not evil before you try to pull the rug out from under them. Show lots of the church's work in Lost Angels, not just the sermons and the food, but charity work, protecting people of the city.
At the third plot point, instead of revealing that the Church is super evil, use it as an opportunity to drive home that the church was right all along-the rail wars brought death, bloodshed and suffering to Lost Angels. There was a reason they didn't want the rail lines besides just wanting their own fiefdom. You could also probably stand to make Grimme's church sermons gentler and nicer if they attend any of them. It's a little harder to go 'yeah, these guys seem nice' when Grimme's sermons are 'YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HELL, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, I'LL PUT YOU THERE MYSELF'As far as the PPC itself goes. There's a lot of narration that they want you to read word for word. Use your own descriptions and take the speeches of NPCs as templates. The only thing I really would keep is the ending narration, but I'm biased because I am a child, and the cow makes me giggle.I would keep plot points 1-3 pretty much as they are, since they all segue into each other naturally.
Minor tweaks are up to you (I'd remove the opportunity for them to talk to Hellstromme directly unless somebody in their group is Very Rich/Famous, make it a little less obvious that they're being held against their will in the first plot point, as examples). You don't necessarily have to start the game on the first plot point if you have another idea, as all that's necessary is for the posse to be on a California-bound train.Plot points 4-6 are shakier. Unless you really like having so many different NPC factions, I would hack two of the plot points down and condense them. The really necessary pieces of the structure are that they find a glyph, learn what the glyph does, and learn that the Church of Lost Angels is super evil (if you didn't clue them into that up front). I would personally cut either the Rock or the Shan Fan plot point entirely-use somebody's character subplot to clue them into the petroglyphs or the Church being evil, whichever one fits best. I would keep Born in a Bowl/See Far Ahead's remains but cut out the political infighting/Rattlesnake Clan/First Nations civil war elements as they feel like they're big enough to be their own campaign, but kind of just get shunted to the side immediately for the sake of your party getting to Grimme.I like plot point 7 just fine as it is.
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Since you want to stretch out the Church reveal though, I would choose between this and the Rock. Have See Far Ahead's remains either on the Rock or in Jehoshaphat valley and run the bones of either adventure after they've been given the finger by Born in a Bowl.The glyphs are where you can tie in subplots and any adventures you want to run. I would give them a rough idea that it needs to be finished before Grimme's feast, but wouldn't tell them how many glyphs need to be activated. Maybe introduce the idea that the glyphs will change color or char or there will be unnatural weather whenever they've all been activated-that way you can set them up for the finale of the campaign whenever it's dramatically appropriate, instead of when they've counted to seven.The final plot point works up until you get to the last battle, where it might get a little trickier. The plot point campaigns always rely on stall battles because that's something Savage Worlds handles really well. I feel like thirteen goddamn rounds of combat is slightly excessive, and seven or ten would work just as well.
Depending on the makeup of your party, you might want to spare a thought for why they have to stay in the cathedral for the combat. When I played the Flood, half of the party just straight up left when Grimme showed up because they just could not be fucked to deal with all of that. The idea that the church keeps an NPC they like is great, but it needs to be an NPC everybody really, really likes.That ended up being a wall, but I hope it helps. Basically, just keep the big setpieces you like, hack out other stuff and figure out what the essentials the party needs to learn are so you can hack in your own subplots as you want.